Inside the Actors Struggle-The Audition

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I have been rejected by casting directors more times that I can count. Feeling defeated from the rejection. Questioning my self worth, and fighting the often challenging weight issue. Truly feeling as though I gave it my all in my audition. Delivering everything I have learned and felt was required. The common phrase "Thank you, but you aren't what we are looking for. Or the "We will call you if we are interested." Those are just two of the common phrases heard from their ever so charming rejections. Each time I have audition I think of the possibilities that could be placed in front of me. I will be able to gain so much work IF I get this part.

I remember one time I had a role "guaranteed" I knew all the right people and the person who actually worked for the network told me he had my back. "I will help get you on," he said. I was so confident thinking WOW this is the moment I have been waiting for I know something is coming. Then all forms of communication were removed and I never heard back. It was a low blow and hurt me more than you could imagine. I struggled with the I must weigh to much or the I must have upset them or I could have annoyed them.

Audition after audition, cold read after cold read, and still waiting on my breakout role. I often felt my identity in the mindset of this is it if I can just get this.

I am here to tell you that you are enough. You are wonderfully made and you have a purpose. No matter how many times you have been rejected you are never really rejected. I often found my value in "Can I get this role." When I didn't, I resorted to food or exercise to cope with what I thought could fix it. None of those things ever fixed the hurt. The only thing that fixed me was when I found my worth in my maker. God has showed me time and time again how much I am worth. How He made me, and how He doesn't make mistakes.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
-Psalm 139:14

Today I am here to tell you I have struggled with my value, and I have faced rejection. It often haunts me in my life, but I pray over the feeling because in the end what I do will never define me. I will be defined by who I am. I am a human being not a human doing.

Today I want you to know that no matter how much hurt you have experienced and no matter how many times you have been rejected; you matter in every way. You are a wonderful person. Never let a person define your worth.

Until next time, remember you matter to the world.

@chrisburkmenn

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